Ready...
Although it's still pain, but it's not important now...
I m not deserve the things you do...
It's useless waiting for someone,..
who will never come back to you again...
May be, I deserve a better one, but not you...
I'm ready to have a new life...

From: Keanann

         天亮了, 很累了, 想休息了, 明天见
晚安早安...

                                                    To: Me

I'm Still Loving You...
When I close my eyes I think of you.
And the time we've had been through
Even through were far apart right now
I remembered back when you were here with me
How you've made my world complete
But now I'm left alone
We talked about love and hope
Wishing we could start a life our own
I wish that I could live without you.

Why did you tear my heart apart
You said you love me from the start
All those painful things you put me through
But I'm still loving you
I tried to give my best to you
I don't deserve the things you do
Everything has gone to memories
I just wish that I knew the truth behind the lies.

X'mas present for myself...

Suffering(6 months)...

I know, I should study...

I know, I should sleep...

I knows, I shouldn't starring laptop 24-7...

I knows, I shouldn't dota, dota and dota again...

Actually, while dota-ing, I didn't enjoyed at all...

Doing that, is to tell meslef that I m happy,

Doing this, is just finding some reasons for myself as well, 

For not to holding the books,

For failing my tests,

For being not perfect...
To feels better...

My New Baby of C Programming...
//Dream Cruise Holiday Company
//To calculate total cost for each customers
#include <stdio.h>
#include <conio.h>

int selection();
void showMenu();

int main(void)
{
  int command, cost=0, meal;

  showMenu();
  do{
      cost+=selection();
      printf("Any other order, Sir.\nYES>>1 NO>>0\n>>");
      scanf("%d",&command);
     }while(command==1);

  printf("Do you want to purchase meal vouchars, sir?\n");
  printf("Enter amounts of meal vouchers>> RM");
  scanf("%d",&meal);

  cost+=meal;
  printf("\nTotal of this transaction is RM%d.", cost);
  printf("\n\nThank You For Purchasing Our Service.");
  printf("\nHave a nice day...");

  getch();
  return 0;
}

void showMenu()
{
  printf("Dream Cruise Holiday Company\nPrice List>>\n\n");
  printf("Normal Price>>\nAdult:RM200 Child:RM140\nOrder Code: 1\n\n");
  printf("Family Package>>\n2 Adults and 2 children only.\nAt only RM600.\nOrder Code: 2\n\n");
  printf("Group Travel Package>>\n10 people whose travel together\nCost only RM1800 (save
             RM200).\nOrder Code: 3\n\n");
}

int selection()
{
  int nA, nC, nFP, nGP, order_code, cost;

  do{
      printf("Please enter your order code>>");
      scanf("%d",&order_code);

      switch(order_code)
      {
        case 1: printf("Enter the no. of adult>>");
                scanf("%d", &nA);
                printf("Enter the no. of child>>");
                scanf("%d",&nC);
                cost=(nA*200)+(nC*140);
                break;

        case 2: printf("Enter the no. of family package>>");
                scanf("%d",&nFP);
                cost=nFP*600;
                break;

        case 3: printf("Enter the no of group package>>");
                scanf("%d",&nGP);
                cost=nGP*1800;
                break;

        default: printf("You have entered an invalid code, please try again.\n");
      }
    }while(order_code>3);

  return cost;
}

I Hate Porridge...
我病了, 发烧...
身体很烫, 很烧, 头有点痛...
嘴巴很淡, 吃不下饭...
吃了2片activefast就睡去了...

我讨厌在生病时吃粥...
很讨厌...

어떻게 해야만 다시는 당신을 그리워 하지 않을까? .

Is person who you're eating with...
McD, I had you for so long time,
Finally, today I can have a McD french fries again...
And, I realized the taste wasn't same as before...
Not so delicious...

May be, the fries served not fresh..
I m a bit disappointed and starred at my friends...
"Is it okay?" I m asking...
"It's normal....", they are eating unstoppable...

Sometimes, it taste nice, is just because of a person....

Complex Life...
In real numbers, i, doesn't make sense...
i=surd(-1), something  impossible 4 REAL...

Same to our life, not every "why" have the answer...
So, you shouldn't asking "y" anymore...
Maybe, "y" just don't exists...
Or, the answer maybe "x"...
(Doesn't make sense)

Try and  learn to accept,
what life gave to you...

The End...
说得出的痛, 不是痛...
沉默, 是唯一的办法...

Is Life...
When I was 5 years old,
Mum told me that happiness was the key to life.
When I went to school,
They asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up,
I wrote down "happy".
They told me that I didn't understand the assignment ,
And I told them they didn't understand life...
**By John Lennon.

Sorry For Loving You...

我们已经多久不联系了、感觉这一辈子都不会再见到你了。

有些事、不说是个结、说了是个疤。

那些不能说的秘密、会不会成为我们永不见面的借口。

一直在想、

很多年以后、如果我和你、就这样再也不联系、

可突然有一天、就这么站在喧嚣的人群里、相互注视着对方、

第一句话需要多大的勇气才说的出。
请你原谅, 我的无言...
**shared from somewhere.

Lesson In Life...
A wise man sat in the audience and cracked a joke.
Everybody laughs like crazy.
After a moment, he cracked the same joke again.
This time, less people laughed.
He cracked the same joke again and again.
When there is no laughter at crowd,
He smiled and said,

You can't laugh at the same joke again and again,
but why do you keep crying over the same thing,
over and over again?

Leave Me Alone...

Today, I m going to leaving my feeling on this wall...

Here, this the only place I feel secure and safe...

Because, there is nobody except me... 

Here, a place that definitely belongs to me only...

"Status: Active"

Today, I login Facebook using my friend acct.. I never thought gonna see her status again (As her status already been unsubscribe on my acct.). I hate myself for losing control and the heart pain that never less, after seeing her wall post. I m telling myself, I shouldn't like that, I should be happy as she had found her 1.
But, I just can't.

也许, 我们不该再联系...

你的信息, 你的境况, 看了, 只有心痛...

我真的很自私, 对不起...

Holiday Ends...
Leaving home tonight...
With 1 backpack and 1 hand carry...
Although it's quiet full already,
But, it feel like short of something, I don't know......

Weight on shoulder is lifting on...
It's never good, and I just can't continue...
When this life going to last?

At last, shooting zombies time, I m happy...
I love Left 4 Dead 2...

南拳妈妈-不该结束

窗外的雨停了 天空还是灰的  

因为爱情也停止了 

回忆在播放着 在笑容里停格 

画面会永远留着 

给多的是付出 少给的不算输  

感情不需要胜负 

我给了你全部 你还是想结束  

我说你永远幸福 

快乐的开始不该悲伤的结束  

付出多才会了解什么是幸福 

快乐的开始 祝福的结束 

快乐的开始不该悲伤的结束  

走到了末路还是会留下祝福 

我会牢牢记住  

你给的 全部 的全部 

Confused...
Today, there is something lucky happen to me...
I had received scholarship worth 40k, is quiet a lot to me...

I m happy and curious...
I don't know why, they choosing me,
I m not the better, but the laziest...
I m also doing well during interview,
Dyed hair, not be able speak a fluent language...

I m really not deserve to take this...
May be, I should reject this offer?

Some Sort Of Effort...

Sometimes you gotta try your hardest not to care,

no matter how much you really do...

I had tried my ever best in doing this,
I thought did it well, and, I was wrong...

1 picture, 1 massage, even 1 alphabet...

Is making all my effort wasted...
Finally, I realized, it doesn't work...

Don't think, don't hear, don't see, doesn't means it's gone...

That feeling seem not gonna change, although time passed...

And, I m still here...

Last Time...
时间过了, 很久很久...
回忆, 依然很清晰...
就像昨天的事...
心, 还是一样的痛...
感觉, 一点都没变...
只是, 希望没有了...

2nd NOV 2011...
I think I m okay now...
Just living simple and have a good life...

Keep on telling myself,
I m not special, is okay to be lazy...
I m not smart, is okay to do wrong...
I m not perfect, is okay to fail...

Try to feel a freaked new life...
Try to feel others with heart...
Try to do something dislike...

Feel life, just accept what the God decide...
And, I m not happy with my life...

SKEE 1023...

Exam is just passed, 4 hour ago...

Stress has gone, or may be it never come...

I didn't manage to do well...

But, I can't feel anything about my failure...

May be, I m no longer care for my study...

Is it this, what they called mindset,

Because of I didn't care, then I won't feel sad...

I m sitting down there, 

Seeing all kind of faces, after the exam...

Some of them was happy, some looks sad,

And the others are discussing about the questions...

At the least, they still having that kind of passion....

Now, I m sitting in front of my computer...

Doing nothing, but don't want to shut it down...

I just don't want to let you go, my mouse...

Should I stop?

Today...
我以为, 生活开始转变了...
我以为, 孤单的日子已经过了...
我以为, 笑了开心了就会没事了...
我以为, 不再伤心就是忘记了...

其实, 我一直都在欺骗着自己...
尝试, 遗忘着, 一个, 无法忘记的回忆...
以为找对了, 但感觉不再一样了...
在这刻, 我又想你了...

但发现, 我无法找回以前的快乐...
也许, 这一切已经不一样了, 找不回了...
是时候, 改变了, 做回现在的自己...
寻找真正的快乐, 为以后的生活而努力...

Money...
Money is playing an important role in life...
Is money so important?

For others, I don't know, but, to me, is absolutely not...

After seeing a young Africa kid who had suffer from kwashiorkor, 

My concept about money was changed...
Without money, I feel myself helpless...

The money on its owns doesn't means anything...

Is depend on people, how they going to use it...

Money is nothing without use...

How to be happy?

This is the topic assign by my lecturer...

Is not hard to be happy but not easy too...

And, it's really tough for me to achieve that...

A journey toward happy life is ___ ...
Just live the ways that you feel good...

As long as you happy, there is nothing to be worry...

Our life is not long and it shouldn't be wasted...

We should appreciate the life...
Nothing wrong to be happy...

It is really a tough assignment - HAPPY...

I m so BORING...
Boring for the university life...
Boring for the courses offered by the faculty...
Boring for the activities held by the clubs...
Boring for attending the lectures...
Boring for seeing those boring faces...
Boring for surfing internet without any purpose...
Boring for day dreaming as only activity...
Boring for missing her all day long...
I don't want to be here...

我要独立...
身边的人都说我, 很会花钱...
但, 我已尽力了, 我花的用的, 都日常开销...
这星期, 我用了RM500, 有点过隆了, 我懂...
但都用在日常用品+文具+吃的而已...

年纪大了有行动不便的婆婆, 一人坐在银行外...
难道我可以当作看不见吗? 妈, 对不起, 我做不到...
但是, 你说得没错, 我给的不是我的钱, 当然慷慨啦...

户口里的钱, 剩下的, 也不多了...
我不能, 每次的每次都向家里要钱...
这次, 只好靠自己了, 又要打工了...
打工, 读书, 对我来说, 都没差...

Need to alone...
At this moment, I was confused...
I don't know why I m here, why I m doing this for...
I lost my life direction, living here with no purposes...
May be, I need a place like this to calm down...
I need a longer time to reset my life...
From sorrow to cheerful life...
Sorry, for people around me...
I just want to be alone...
Walk alone, sit alone, lunch alone, reading alone...
And, I think, this is the most suitable type of life for me right now...

Reality...
Now a day, in our society, not everything we do have options...

Is all about society needs, is not our requirements...

Sometimes, I feel my life hopeless...

Everyone are flowing a trend, a life trend...

Are this life trend suitable for all of us?

Doctor, accountant, lawyer, engineer and etc...

Why we must go for this? 

For me, I do study, but isn't for those things...

I study well, because I found it interesting...

CGPA 4.00 = Go University, I don't think so...

Can our life be little bit easier?

I want a happy life...

Sad, sad, and sad...

有时候, 真的很矛盾...

往往你做对了, 但又会后悔的决定...

她遇到困难了, 我应该给于安慰...

她在FB add我了, 我应该接受...

我不懂我在想什么? 真的...

难道, 你不懂我会难受吗?

难道, 你真的以为我放下了吗?

难道, 你真的不懂我做这一切的用意吗?

One Message...

你的关心,

给了我短暂的快乐...
让我开心了又失望了...

给了我不可能的希望和假设...

让我又开始更想你了...

冷淡的回复, 不想再给大家任何希望...

因为, 我承受不起, 再一次的失去...

对你的想念, 只能收在心底了, 希望不会痛了...

但, 很遗憾, 没有忘记过你...

Sick...
今天, 我生病了...
在这时候, 我想找你哭诉, 想要你的关心...
以前, 生病了...
你终会骂我不喝水, 逼我喝很苦很苦的苦茶...
但现在, 生病了, 再也不能告诉你了...
生病了, 只能把被单盖上, 好好休息...
在这一刻, 我想你了...

1 Day...

今天, 静静地度过了...

虽然, 这日子很孤单, 但有了安全感...

我想, 这刻. 没有人比我更了解这心情...

新同学说我很冷酷, 我只是不想说话...

家人误解我, 说我不会想, 但我想的最多...

心中, 想说的不能说, 想做的不能做, 的事太多...

Lost...
Sun is rising, it seem to be a nice day today...
For me, it's still the same, is rainy day...
The rain is seem to be monsoon...

If I do disappear on someday,
You should feel great for me...
Sadness and madness will no longer accompany...
There should be somewhere innisfree...
And, happy is the only thing that' s living...

Right now, I really need a stop...
A stop that can let me rest for a while...
A stop that can reattain my passion of life...
A stop that only for me...

回忆
再也不说, 也不问了, 只想静静地...
隔离自己, 独自生活. 不想把过去忘记...
宁愿伤心也不要忘记, 我对你, 最后的回忆...
再也不相信, 明天的生活会更精彩..
读再多书, 赚再多钱, 也没意思了, 你不会来了...
不再等待, 只希望她快乐, 伤心让我留着, 好吗?
她不算什么, 但她是全部...

Confusing....
All things I thought, was not happen...
I think I need to alone here to feel better, but it won't...
That is my problems, I m really sick...
All people is getting happy, but I m the one who pretending to be happy...
All people is involved, I m also together, but actually I m standing outside alone..
Family didn't understand me, friends only giving encourages...

Feeling like I m really alone, walking in dark street...
What I have left behind, is only me...
I m don't how to continue tomorrow life..
I m depressed again...

Life's Miracle...
一个坏了的时钟, 也会有重跳的一刻...
在我们的生活里, 它充满着奇迹...
在我的人生, 不相信奇迹的出现, 只相信自己的努力...

曾经, 奇迹在我人生中出现了...
但, 因为是奇迹带来的机会, 没经努力, 不懂珍惜, 最后还是失去了...
现在的我, 相信了奇迹, 等待着他的出现...
但, 最后, 学会了不再等待...

Unwanted Feeling...
一转眼又一个星期了, 时间过得好快好快...

每天的每天, 不断地把自己弄得忙忙碌碌, 不敢让自己有停下来的一刻...

一旦停了下来, 是否还能继续, 我也不懂...

一个人不停地努力, 努力着, 希望当初的习惯已不再是习惯...

时间可以带走记忆, 但无法冲淡回忆...

忘记很难, 想念更苦...
如今, 生活虽平坦, 但活得很踏实...

A Journey toward loneliness....

一段4年的生活, 就要开始了... 

回到了半年前, 一人独自生活的日子....

也许, 这样的生活, 是适合我的...

在这凌晨里, 心突然又痛了...

直到现在, 才能够, 悄悄地把眼泪流下...

是一个, 说不出, 也无法解释的痛...

原来我真的很在乎你
第一次吃菜了, 喝了甜的苦茶...
学会了不乱花钱, 学会了在乎, 也学会了吃醋...
习惯了睡前发信息, 习惯了等一封长长的信息...
第一次感觉到了幸福, 第一次吃到坏了蛋黄的粽子...
还有, 很多很多的第一次.. .. .. ..

这一切, 对我来说, 比任何东西都来得重要...
放弃, 不是不喜欢了, 而是不想再让你难过了...
我还是一样... 你还好吗?

ENDless Feeling
如果我现在死了, 就是爱了你一辈子...
害怕及恐惧, 已经在我人生中渐渐的消失...
因为, 最害怕, 最不想发生的事, 已经成了定局...

人生, 如今, 变成了噩梦...
多么多么地希望梦境的一切, 都是真实的...
不想, 每次每次地醒过来, 都是同样地失望...
如果, 可以选择, 我宁愿永远都不要醒来...
至少在梦里的我是开心的...

真的很想, 不顾一切, 到一个陌生的地方, 开始新的生活...
从新找回属于自己的恐惧感, 还有真正的自己...
但, 回到现实, 太多包袱和承担...
这永远只是个梦想...

A dog is better than me...
人生总会在某些时候起变化, 添加色彩... 但, 它并不是每次都五彩缤纷... 一个美好的开始, 不一定会有完美的终点... 就在这时候, 我们才会变得更加成熟...
现在的社会, 人民政府, 老板员工, 朋友家人, 都会把自己的利益放在最前端... 我对这样的社会非常失望... 人人都戴着面具做人, 很虚伪, 我不喜欢这种感觉...

今晚, 我家附近的狗被屠杀了, 再也看不到了... 虽然它们有时会追我, 吠我, 还有想咬我, 但我还是伤心了...看着它们快要被杀了, 我什么都做不到... 也许, 是我选择了不做, 不想找麻烦...
自私, 连我也不例外, 讨厌自己...

能不能不要做工了, 能不能不要读书了, 能不能把我的心空出来...
能不能把我自己还给我? 好吗? 我真的不想, 很不好受...
在这段时间里, 我未曾快乐过... 太固执了...
我做的, 心想的, 都不是我所能控制到的...
让我休息一年可以吗? 我想一人背包旅行...

今天我又病了, 没关系, 反正我都已习惯这感觉了...
发烧的辛苦和酸痛, 如今又有新朋友了-心痛...
终于有了属于自己的一天了, 我要好好用心去感受的一天, 记住这一切...
发高烧虽苦, 但比起来, 不算什么...
真希望天天都病, 永远记住那感觉, 不要失去, 因为也没其他的再可以失去了....
我自己的一天...

5Cs of Success...

-Cash, Condominium, Credit card,  Car, and Country club...

Until yesterday, my life target is 5Cs...
5Cs is just the symbol of your success in your life... It brings us up to next level of living conditions... Now a day,  many young graduates are chasing behind this target, as well as me... It is my target before 30, is 10 more years to go... But now, I realized that 5Cs can give us satisfaction in the form status only... With all this 5 things, can our life become more wonderful? And, my answer is absolutely NO...

Today, I already know, how to continues the rest of my life...
5Cs are not important anymore... Because, there is nothing important than family bond...
I dislike big city, life in city is never good and easy... It is just not a place for me...
Alor Star is still the most suitable place for me, a kampong boy...

我不是好人...
我真的很坏了, everything is me come first... 我不懂我什么时候变成这样子, 变到那么的自私... 我很不喜欢, 不喜欢现在的自己, 甚至是讨厌... 昨天, 顾客跑来开我的台, 我很生气, 还会给脸色他看, 最坏的事, 当他把钱输光后, 我竟然觉得开心, 没错是开心叻... 事事都觉得自己没错, 给自己找了一大堆的借口...

做善事, 好事, 应该是不求回报, 只希望能帮助到他人... 以前的我, 可能会是这样, 希望周围的人会开开心心... 现在的我, 做了善事竟然会要求回报... 每天只想我是好人, 应该有好报... 这不应该是这样的, 帮助别人是为了解决他人的困难, 不该渴望任何回报... 我, 真的令我很失望...

我不懂何时开始有这些想法, 不好的想法...

Finally, today I got the answer-about HE...
Have no may be__ , no more hopes and waiting...
Although I m still loving her, but I know it must go to the end now...
In future, without her, I don't how my life would be, it really challenging..
And I should not been asking "why" anymore, there is no reason...
Love is just love, have no comparison and is grief... No matter who is HE or SHE are, but to you, they are special, you will like everything they have...
But, now I m not she "the one" anymore...
And, this is the fact that I couldn't change...
Right now, is only sadness that struggling me..

Today I going back to work, is my previous job... From my hometown to here, takes about 6 hours... Along the way, the bus pass by Penang, Taiping, Ipoh, and KL... This journey had made me totally freaked out, it is some pass time memories, is some important memories... Tired , what I need right now is only sleep... Eric, faster please...

Change, is a turning point of life and entrance of new life...
But, I have different view on this, and is my true feeling + experiences...
Scare, nervous, and sadness, are mixed and this feeling is never good...
I want my family, friend, teacher, and all my stuff remains unchanged...

Last night, my friend asked me, "你在??面前也会这样吗?" I didn't answer...
I realized, all this times, I m pretending to be happy, cool, and funny... I m really feel tired already... I don't know why, but it is totally not me... May be I m tried to prove something, not to others, is for myself...
And now, I will say :" No, I m just not this kind of people, the one in front of ??, is me..."

Anything out of expectation may happen at any time... It can either be good or bad to you, but sometime we just have to accept it... This is FATE, our fate that we couldn't change... For me, I will take it as part of my life, as a memories...Although, is a sad memory, but still can make our life more interesting, once you have gone through it...
Finally, I had made a decision... Is also only choice I can made, haiz... So, UTM is my final choice..

2 days had passed... Just a normal normal life, nothing special...
Wake up, having breakfast, surfing internet, and watching anime...
No target, just try my best in using up this 24 hours...

Boring, and meaningless... Is it what we called life? I have ever thought, is our life a duty? A must done duty... For me, in this 20 years, I study, took exam, and now get a place in university... Is that means I had passed my 1st stage duty... What meaning does this duty carring? Good career, future, and wealthy... All this 3 things, not important for me...
All I had done is not called success... In the past, I m only living in space of myself... I not even have a real friend, because I opted to go it alone... But that was already wrong, is a big mistake I made...

Today I telling myself, it is a happy day... I tried everything to feel better, but finally I find out, is useless... The main problem is me.. Is me still depressed?? I really don't know... I have nobady to talk to, all I have, is only me.. I never thought my life could be like this... Now, I only can hoping in next minute, all those feeling will gone, give me a normal life...

I had received 2 university offer, both of them are well known U in Malaysia... The course given by this 2 U are engineering courses, UTM offering me Mechatronic Engineering, while USM is Electronic Engineering... For me, both course are good, but I didn't have that passion to continue study at this time... Just don't have the mood to go U, just cannnot.... May be I will go working 1 year first and continue study later... Why? Why all this problem com at once...

I just open my facebook account 3 days ago... This social web is filling up my time, but actually is not what I wanted... Whole day, sitting in front of my computer surfing this net, for me, is just a place to use up my time... In past, I thought time can help me settle everything, including forget her.. But it already 1 month, doesn't change... For me, my life is suffering...

今天是一个非常充实的一天。伤心，快乐，还有惊喜，不约而同的出现了。我做了一件很自私的决定，虽然很不舍得，但我必须要做，只想给自己好过些。到目前为止，我还是无法接受这事实，看见他，我的心真的很痛很痛，那痛苦未曾减少过，就和当初一样。For others, she is just a normal girl, but to me, she is special... Until now, I m still waiting, although I know it is impossible...

还有7天, 我将会离开这伤心的地方, 也许永远都不回来了... 在这, 我和她已工作了半年。。这事段时间不长, 但也不短... 离开家里来到这里工作的这段时间, 她渐渐成为了我的依靠... 现在的我, 很自私, 只想保护自己, 不想再受到任何伤害... 见到她, 只会让我回忆起以前的点点滴滴, 痛苦伤心的只有我自己... 我真的很不了解他, 之后, 既然连一点点伤感都没有... 现在的她只给我留下一个陌生的感觉...

Today I feel like a little bit better... May be, I do not love her anymore... All this feeling is just temporary... I know, it is impossible for me to forget her in this short time interval... 2 week ago, I really do feel, she is my the 1... I want to spent my whole life to protect her, loves her and lives with her... Now, I feel very calm, no more sad, but I have no feeling, no happy, no sad, and no excitement...

I feel like nobody understanding me, even though my family and SHE... My Feeling, what I want, what I think, I m the only  1 knew... What they did, is keep on pushing me... All thing they did, is not my need... Now, I really think I had Depression... I m so sad and stress... I feel I m just alone... Get well soon, don't thing too much...They just keep on saying all this thing, is not for me but is for their own good, they just doing thing called responsible... All of them don't really know me, they don't know, it is how hard for me to do it... All this thing, for me, such a kind of pressure...